Active Listening
Active listening can transform a relationship by promoting understanding and openness. Carve out 15 to 30 minutes to talk with a close friend, family member, romantic partner, or just someone you think would appreciate an opportunity to share thoughts and feelings.
Find a quiet place to talk without interruption or distraction. Then, invite your conversation partner to share what is on their mind. As they’re talking, do the following:
- Listen and Reflect. Every once in a while, reflect what you think you hear them saying by paraphrasing. For example, “What I hear you saying is …” or “It sounds like…”.
- Understand. Try to get to the bottom of what they’re telling you, to really understand. Ask some questions at the right moments without interrupting. For example, “When you say upset do you mean angry or afraid or sad?”
- Accept. Use empathy to accept even their negative feelings without judgement, even if you think they’re not justified. You might say, “I can understand how that situation would made you frustrated.” Hold back on advice and just listen deeply. Your presence and understanding in and of itself is valuable.
- Use open and engaged body language. Lean forward, make eye contact, stay relaxed, whatever you do, don't check your cell phone.
- React. When they’re done, it’s your turn to react. Say how you feel using I statements, just simply stating how you’re feeling without saying what you think about them or how you think they might be feeling.
